Nature does not hurry, and yet everything is accomplished.
– Lazo Tao
Welcome to 2022, a year that holds the promise of a fresh start and endless possibilities. The first week of January is no stranger to new calendars and curated vision boards which we carefully fill with our hopes and dreams for the next 12 months. It is our human nature to find a fresh start like a new year energizing and according to the PERMA Theory of Well-being, goal setting and achievement is one of the core components of a meaningful and well-lived life.Ā
As exciting as this goal setting is, in reality, once the excitement of the new year wears off many of our beautiful goals fall by the way-side. We get stuck in the weeds of life and our 2022 planners end up being yet another graveyard of lost dreams. Is there a way that we can set ourselves up for success in a way that we can keep the momentum going even when life gets hectic and challenging? Yes, there is! The answer is compassion goal setting and that is what todayās post is all about.Ā
SMART Goals vs. Compassionate Goals
One of the best-known goal-setting formulas is SMART goals. We set SMART goals by going granular and including information on how we will make our goals; specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timely. This process is extremely helpful because it lets us know exactly what we are getting ourselves into from the start. But what about when life happens and we donāt meet our SMART goal timelines?Ā
It can be very discouraging to do the work of setting SMART goals and working towards them, only to not reach them because of an external factor or just because we are human and everyone goes off track sometimes. So what is the antidote to remaining focused and not giving up when we lose momentum? Self-compassion.Ā Ā
According to Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion consists of three elements: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. When we practice self-compassion we take the patience and empathy that we have for others and turn it inwards – maybe for the first time. Self-compassion is not a go-easy on yourself mentality, rather it is a framework that allows us to accept our humanness. Being self-critical is linked to feeling more anxious and depressed as well as lower reported levels of self-confidence.Ā
How to Set Compassionate Goals in 6 Steps
1. Identify what you wantĀ
In order to set compassionate goals, that first step is to start on the right foot. The only goals we should be working towards are the ones that we want to achieve. Yes, there may be some goals that you feel are necessary for your well-being and won’t necessarily be enjoyable – but you need to be at the very least, somewhat intrinsically motivated to pursue them.Ā
2. List the action steps Ā
Now that we have our goals selected, it is time to map out the route for how you will get there. The goal is usually the destination for where we want to go. In order for us to get there, we need to know the directions. Spend some time with each of your goals and identify all of the actions you will need to take in order to get yourself to the finish line.
3. Create helpful habitsĀ
If actions are the directions to your goals, then habits are the techniques you use to follow them.Ā In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear defined habits as the small decisions you make and actions you perform every day. Building habits is 100% a trial and error process and will require a dynamic approach. But it is when we are able to make our action steps almost unconsciously repeatable that the magic happens.Ā
4. Check-in with yourself
The fatal mistake that we have all made at one time or another is that belief that if we set a goal, we are sure to reach it without ever reviewing our progress. Setting the goal is the first step of a long and evolving process. In order to stay on track and make modifications when needed, we first must have a routine way of evaluating where we are at.Ā This can be done by many different ways including a weekly review routine or by meeting with a goal-accountability partner.
5. Allow for self-compassionĀ
Life is messy and unpredictable. There are going to be events and factors that occur which we cannot really prepare for. It is very unlikely that we will hit our goals in the first attempt. So in order to stay on the path of achievement, we must learn how to use self-compassion as a framework when we feel discouraged. Remove the all-or-nothing mindset and instead replace the self-critical voice inside your head with a supportive friend who helps you get back up when you have been knocked down.Ā
6. Modify the planĀ
Now that we know what didn’t work, we can start making modifications that will help us find out what does work. Just because plan A didn’t work, it doesnāt mean we should give up on our dreams. We have so many other routes to get to where we want to go, we just don’t always feel like we are able to modify the plan once we have designed it. You can make modifications AS MANY times as necessary.Ā
Self-compassion is a practice that takes time to cultivate. It takes work to tune into the words we are saying to ourselves and intentionally allow for grace when we don’t meet our high expectations.Ā But you can do it! Your goals and dreams are depending on you to do this. You have something special to give to the world. Don’t let your inner critic stop you from achieving everything you are capable of.Ā Iād love to know your biggest takeaway from todayās post. Leave a comment below and letās get this compassionate goal-setting conversation started.Ā